Sunday, October 14, 2007

Lodgepole Pine Reforestation Project

Lodgepole Pine Reforestation Project
West Yellowstone, MT

I had an astonishing experience on my way into the Yellowstone Park last week. I passed through a section of forest that was noted to be the “Lodgepole Pine Reforestation Project”. There were stands of trees of varying heights and stages of growth, each different stand had a sign with the year of its planting.

I noted the years 1992, 1981, and 1960. Each stand was expansive enough to allow me time to reflect on the size of the trees, and what the passing of time looked like to a Lodgepole Pine; how time was recorded in the tree’s very existence. I was reminded of the Ents in the Lord of the Rings, their power, wisdom, and the history they had witnessed in their long stationary lives as trees of the forest. I reflected too on those years, and what each represented to me, in my growth, development, and life stage…

1992 made me think actually of 1993, the year that I graduated from medical school. Megan was ten and Adam seven. Ted and I had been dating for over four years; had lasted well beyond what either of us originally imagined would be the life span of our relationship, and decided to move in together. The following year we married.

My experience of medical school had been positive and formative in many ways. I loved learning, and was in awe of all that I had been exposed to, all that I had the privilege and honor to witness in the lives of my patients. I had “made it” through relatively intact, with my sense of commitment, purpose, and self still strong.

My kids were healthy and growing, no more the worse for wear and tear from the prior four years than would have been expected. It was an important time for me, of identity, mastery, and deepening awareness of myself. I felt a sense of accomplishment reflecting back on the life of those trees, and what sort of growth they symbolized for me personally.

1981 was the year that I met Tom, my children’s father. I was completing my undergraduate degree, in California, and we met the summer before my final semester. Before we met, I had envisioned taking time to travel once I was finished with school.

At the same time though, I was increasingly aware of a powerful desire rising in me, to have a child. I was surprised by the intensity of this urge. It felt beyond my conscious reflection, like some primal, biological awakening that had been growing for some time. Intellectually it didn’t make much sense, as I had been in a relationship that I knew was not a “’til death do us part” proposition. Still, its presence could not be denied.

Meeting Tom resulted in a whirlwind; we ended up moving to New Mexico eight months after we met, married three months later, and I had Megan the following spring. My vision shifted dramatically in 1981 from teaching English in South America, hiking to Machu Picchu for starters, and generally being carefree, adventurous, and independent, to gestating, birthing, and caring for a newborn babe.

It’s funny, I tell Ted all the time that giving birth to and raising Megan and Adam have been the most important things I have done with my life, and that feels true to my very bones. I couldn’t help but wonder though how different things might have been had my life taken a different course in 1981.

That stand of trees marked concretely what the passage of 26 years means to a Lodgepole Pine. My amazing daughter and son mark the time for me; time of worth, generativity, and the incredible calling and gift of motherlove…

In 1960, I turned three years old. That last stand of trees reflected back to me what I can only hope is evidence of a half century of life well lived. The trees were impressively tall and robust. It amazed me that for all intents and purposes, we were the same age. So, that is what my life looks like in Lodgepole Pine time…

I’m not sure what the lifespan of a Lodgepole Pine is, nor do I know what mine will be. What I do know is that I have been blessed with a life of richness, love, and deep connection; connection to family, friends, the natural world, and community, in all its aspects and forms, also, an ever expanding understanding and acceptance of myself.

This trip has been about connecting to something inherent in my being that is less available to me when I am immersed in the demands and responsibilities of my daily life. It has given me the opportunity to reflect, record, remember, and revise some of my life story. Revise to reveal a more accurate version of who I am today, and how I got here, in order to discern more clearly where it is I want to go next…

Here is a partial list of some of the learning I have gathered these past two weeks.

So far…
I really like being alone, and I am relishing it…

I haven’t lost my adventuresome spirit, my self reliance, or my abilities to make my way in the world.

I have more fear than I’d like to admit…

I can appreciate and learn from an icon, and not be diminished in her presence, but instead be in touch with my own gifts as well.

I can use whatever language I want, and be comfortable with my choice. What I want is heart language. In my mind, the heart is an organ of perception, a way of seeing, and heart language speaks to those perceptions.

It is time for my work to expand, both inner and outer.

Social interaction is not necessarily rapport. Rapport shows interest in feelings. I enter into rapport and empathy so naturally that I need requisite down time, away from interacting and relating, in order to rejuvenate myself.

My service of work is to assist people in becoming fully human .

I am ready to move into the teaching of this work; my service is now expanding to offer others the opportunity to experience the same level of wonder, and depth of connection, as I have had when I’ve been a participant. I have always been leading, and I can lead in this work…

This is a time in my life for revising old stories to accurately reflect who I am today. Retelling old stories in the same old rote ways can be limiting.

My understanding of soul is the part of me in touch with the deepest meaning and knowing available to me. It is an internal experience.

My understanding of spirit is that which enlivens me, brings me back to a greater sense of self. It is externally focused, yet out reaching, and brings my awareness back to my internal knowing.

I need larger community to fully realize my life work.

I'm starting to miss my husband and my life back home...

Lodgepole Pines are tall, straight, thin barked, with long needles. They are common evergreens, that are prolific and reliable seed producers. They have an extremely wide range of “environmental tolerance”. I think that means they can grown and flourish in vastly different environments. Their root systems are shallow, and they are susceptible to high winds. They need a plentiful supply of sunlight to attain maximum vigor. Fire is useful for their continuation and reproduction. I like examining my life through the lens of Lodgepole Pines…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dearest Lorian,
We love being part of your amazing journey! We are sending you our love and HUGS,
Charlotte and Gary